Dear Money...
In her bestseller “You are a badass at making money”, Jen Sincero suggests writing a letter to your money. Here’s mine.
Dear Money,
I wonder why you are playing hard to get with me! Remember the old days? When I would come home to see you waiting to attend to my every need? Ahh yes, I had so much fun giving you out when I was bored, lonely, sad, stressed or just in need of entertainment.
I know I didn't think much about how I treated you. But I never cared because you were mine! I guess I figured I could treat you anyway I wanted because you are just a tool. Like my car or my fancy shoes. Though I now see I treat my car and even my shoes better than I ever treated you. I just didn't think you could ever leave me.
I gave you out so easily but like the prodigal son, I feel unworthy to ask for you back. I feel I don't deserve you, but deep down I really want you.
I know now the great things we could do together and the people we could help together. We were a great team once, let's be great again!
I'm tired of doing the things that don't give me joy just to get your attention. When we play hide and seek it frustrates me and leaves me with mild anxiety pulling out my hair. Because you are very good at it.
I’m done chasing you though so you can relax, and I apologize for mistreating, belittling and wasting you, I understand now that- good leaders should treat their followers with respect, give direction and inspire them to grow. I wasted your energy and didn’t put you in the right environment for you to grow. But I’m learning and changing every day.
I’m following my passion now and so far it’s been an exciting roller coaster. I hope you join me for the ride, but if you don't that's ok.
Let’s catch up soon.
Your friend & boss,
Elizabeth
“Our subconscious relationship with money can affect how it manifests in our life, so we have to be careful with how we hold space for it in our everyday lives”
Our relationship with money can cause a lot of stress and affect our mental well being even when we have enough money. I know that my relationship with the money I didn't have caused me a lot of unnecessary anxiety; from making up hypothetical what-if scenarios which did little but raise my blood pressure. When all I had to do was stop worrying about it and do something to move me closer to where I wanted to be.
Sometimes as women we hold ourselves back from making money because we believe we don't deserve it or it's impolite to ask for it. And when people offer it to us (legally) our first reaction is to reject it.
And this shows up in different ways. When we don't negotiate our pay well, when we don't ask to be paid our worth, when we are too eager to offer discounts, or when we make excuses for why we can't earn more (my favourite is blaming the economy or brexit). Or the most common when we are waiting or hoping for someone (the husband) to “sort us out” financially forever because it's his responsibility right? (I'm talking about myself here).
And then when we earn money, we don't know how to make it grow. (I'm talking about myself here again).
The key is changing the way we relate to money.
3 ways to transform your relationship with money
Forgive yourself for past financial mistakes. Stop self shaming and blaming yourself.
Think about your values and purpose and remember examples of when you spent money in line with them. What did you spend money on? How did it make you feel?
Write a letter to your money (like it was a real person) telling it exactly how you feel about it and how it makes you feel. It can be quite liberating for you as it can help you understand exactly why you are currently where you are.
I would love to know in the comments what your relationship with money is like. Are you besties or enemies, team mates or do you sabotage each other? Do you have a love- hate relationship or do you both enjoy playing hide and seek? Are you an attention seeker, always looking for the next venture to get the money's attention? Or are you ashamed to even think of how much you love money and would love to have it over?
What we think about becomes our reality, so the best thing we can do is to be completely honest with ourselves about the way we think about money so we can make the mindset changes needed.